


loved, wanted, kept

by Seersha



Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Baby Names, Canon Compliant, Canon Het Relationship, Conversations, Established Relationship, F/M, Gap Filler, Infertility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28998099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seersha/pseuds/Seersha
Summary: Monica and Chandler discuss baby names. This is a gap filler that takes place at various points between episodes 10x09 and 10x17.
Relationships: Chandler Bing/Monica Geller
Kudos: 9





	loved, wanted, kept

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm new to the Friends fandom. I've been a fan of the show, and Mondler, since the very first airing of the show. Hope you enjoy this little fic :) Cover Art also by me.
> 
> I also want to say a big thank you to beegirl9@FFN for the beta.

****

  


* * *

"Can you believe it? We're actually going to have a baby!" 

The excitement burst out of Monica as she cuddled up to Chandler. Her voice was still filled with wonder, and she couldn't keep from saying it over and over since they'd signed the adoption papers earlier that day. They were laying in bed snuggled under the covers and it was late. The lamp still offered a dim light through the room, but she didn't feel sleepy at all.

Chandler smiled softly, feeling an indescribable joy filling his heart, as he wrapped an arm around her to pull her more tightly against him. He pressed a light kiss against the top of her head. "I know. It's amazing, isn't it?" 

"A part of me still feels like this is a dream," she confessed in a low whisper. "A wonderful dream, but one I keep thinking I'm going to wake up from."

"Honey, it is a dream, but it's a dream that's going to come _true_ ," he assured her. That's what he did, had done, to get them through. Kept reassuring, supporting, doing his best not to lose hope completely. Somehow, in their darkest moments, he'd fought to the surface even when he'd felt like drowning, just to keep them both afloat. The last year had almost broken him, but the hardest part had been seeing how broken Monica had been at times. 

"Thanks to you." He felt her cheek press more firmly against his heart.

Chandler shook his head. "Ah, I didn't—"

"Yes, you _did_ ," she insisted, firmly, before he could downplay his actions. "You got her to stick with us. I don't know what you said, but you made her believe in us—the _real_ us. Thank you."

"I did it for us," he explained, feeling as though he didn't deserve a thank you since he hadn't done anything extraordinary. He'd just told the truth. His tone was a bit more hesitant when he continued, "By the way, are you sure you don't want to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl?" After the long, emotional and intense adoption process, it was something they'd only really had time to discuss on the way home. Monica nodded and Chandler's smile became teasing. "I'd have thought you'd want to be prepared."

She shrugged. Somehow, whether the baby was a boy or a girl seemed trivial now. "You know, if things had been different, I think I would have wanted to find out. But... I guess these past few months have changed my mind. I'm just happy to be having a baby, I don't care if it's a boy or a girl. And I kind of like the idea of being surprised when the baby is born."

"Okay." He smiled briefly. "So... I know we've been avoiding the topic of names. Do you want to start talking about it yet?" he probed gently, rubbing her back softly. 

When they first decided to start trying over a year ago, they'd agreed to wait until Monica was pregnant before talking about baby names. Chandler wasn't even entirely sure how he'd gotten Monica to agree so easily, but he thought maybe it had something to do with giving up the name Emma to Rachel. That had been a sore wound at the time, no matter how genuine the gift. And the wound felt re-opened every passing month of failure. One particularly hard night Monica had lamented how unfair it was. The baby girl Monica had dreamed of having one day, _little baby Emma_ , was now in Rachel's arms. And months later, she was no closer to having a baby of her own to hold.

Chandler felt the pain of being unable to give Monica the baby she'd always wanted, but it was different for him, he knew that. He'd told Monica the truth of it, simple as it was. He wasn't crazy about babies, as such, but he was crazy about _Monica_ and having a family with her. She was the only woman he'd ever imagined being the mother of his children, the only one he'd ever _wanted_ to have children with. Somehow, Monica made something that had once seemed utterly terrifying—becoming a father—feel exciting. She even gave him the confidence that he might even be a good dad, one day. 

"I-I think so," Monica answered. "Makes it more real though."

"Is Daniel still your pick for a boy's name?"

Monica eased up on to her elbow and peered at him with wide eyes, surprised. "You remember that?"

Chandler sat up a little more and linked his hands together. "Of course I remember that."

"Sorry... I just... I haven't thought about it in a long while." She paused, tugging at his t-shirt lightly as she pondered the name. "I'm not sure Daniel Bing is the way to go. Besides... I never got to ask if you even like the name?"

"Well, I'm not totally sold on it," he admitted slowly, "but I could be convinced if you still want to use it. I just want you to be happy."

"Let me think about it," she said hesitantly, touched all the same.

"Sure," he replied easily. "Any other ideas?"

"Honestly? I had those names so set in my mind that… well—"

"But you have a book of baby names stashed somewhere in this apartment, right?"

Monica flushed and looked away guilty. "Ross and Rachel gave me their baby name books after Emma was born, and I put them away for later." She sighed, not wanting to dwell on the sadness that would probably always live inside her. Glancing back at Chandler, she admitted, "I haven't had the heart to look at them since."

"Then I guess now might be the perfect time?" he quirked an eyebrow at her.

Monica laughed happily, but seemed skeptical. "You're actually excited about going through a book of baby names?"

"Well, I have been thinking about the baby a lot, and possible names," Chandler confessed. 

She bit her lip, but nodded and padded out of their room, returning a few minutes later with three books. Two of them seemed mercifully thin, but the third book was thick and intimidating. Suddenly Chandler felt a flare of panic. How were they going to pick just one perfect name out of a million possibilities? What if they decided on a name that the baby grew up to hate? He certainly hadn't been thrilled with his own name at various points in his life, and often cursed his parents for foisting it on him.

Monica beamed as she rearranged herself on the bed next to him, handing him a book. "Have a look through that one," she suggested, choosing to keep the biggest book for herself.

Chandler flipped the book open randomly and cleared his throat as he skimmed the list. "How about... Natalie?" Monica gave him a doubtful look and he sighed. "Okay, you hate it. Hmm... Matthew?" he suggested, leafing through a couple of pages.

"Sorry, no. It doesn't go with Bing," Monica pointed out diplomatically. 

Chandler eyed her as she reached over to grab a notepad and pen from her bedside table, writing down a name she obviously wanted to remember.

"Alright," he said, closing his book. She glanced at him, startled. "How about this—we both write a list of ten names each for a boy and girl that we like, and we see if we agree on any once we have our lists?"

"Sounds good," Monica agreed, an excited sparkle in her eyes. 

With a sinking feeling, Chandler knew he'd be in for a fitful night of sleep as Monica would be up all night finalising her lists.

* * *

As predicted, Monica had finished her list of names within a day, but Chandler was struggling with his. Just when he'd feel okay about his choices, he'd think of another name he liked and found himself in a constant state of confusion. 

Although Chandler knew it was driving her crazy, he kept putting off the next discussion, telling Monica that he was working on his list and that it would be ready "soon" whenever she asked. Besides, they'd been distracted, it seemed something was always keeping them busy. Buying a house, Phoebe's wedding, Erica visiting New York and then planning their move. It felt like the last three months had been a whirlwind and Chandler was looking forward to having some quiet time with Monica before the baby arrived.

Then Rachel got her job offer in Paris. As always, Ross and Rachel's relationship dramas had an uncanny ability to overshadow all else.

As their weekend drew to an end, they were going over the final details of Erica's impending arrival in New York again, to set her up ready for the birth. Chandler couldn't quite believe they were so close to having their baby. It seemed Monica was also keen to return to their baby name discussion. 

Once their dinner plates were washed, Monica cleared her throat. "How's your baby name list coming along?"

Chandler held back his grin. The way she tried to sound nonchalant was impressive. He was about to give her another promise that he was still "working on" his list when he saw the hopeful look in her eyes. He couldn't bear to see it fade, so told her the truth. "As a matter of fact, I do have my list ready."

"Really?" She sounded genuinely surprised.

He laughed. "Yeah."

Monica jumped up from the table in excitement. "Wanna sit on the couch and go through them?"

"Sure," he said, heading to his laptop. He had been writing his baby name list on his computer, since it changed so much.

Monica joined him on the couch with her notepad, a pen in hand. She took a breath and gestured to his screen. "Alright… what have you got?"

Chandler glanced at his list, suddenly nervous. Maybe he wasn't ready. Clearing his throat, he took a leap. "How about... Kathryn?"

Monica winced and shook her head emphatically. "Sorry, too similar to Kathy for me."

"Ohhh," Chandler grimaced. He hadn't given Kathy a second thought in years. Damnit, he was already doing this badly. "I did not think of that."

Monica shrugged and waved her hand. "Kathryn Bing sounds okay, but if we shorten it to a nickname… Katie Bing?" her nose scrunched up as she said it.

"Fair enough. No names that remind us of exes," he murmured.

"Exes or attachments of anyone in the group, to be clear."

Chandler looked at his list again, checking to see if it met that criteria. "There's no way I can remember the name of _every_ girl Joey has dated or slept with."

"Good point. I was thinking... _significant_ exes or attachments."

"Okay." Chandler gave it some more thought, tapping his fingers against the keys lightly as he tried to decide if he truly liked any of the names on his list. Why was this so hard? Thinking of the name he wanted to give his child shouldn't be this difficult.

When the silence stretched, Monica broached the subject from a new angle. "Alright, so question for you then. Family names?"

"What do you mean?" he asked with a tilt of his head.

"Well, what do you think about naming the baby after a family member?"

"No." He shook his head vigorously. "So many no's. As wonderful as it is that I'm slowly re-connecting with my parents, there's just no erasing my awful childhood."

"Actually, I was more thinking along the lines of… my Dad."

Chandler blinked, puzzled. "Your Dad?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'll be honest with you, Mon, I'm a bit surprised you're even entertaining the idea given your own... feelings over the years about how your parents treated you."

Monica shrugged, knowing he had a point. "Well, he called me the other day, so incredibly excited about the baby," she explained. "And he's actually the one who's surprised me lately with how—I don't know— _involved_ in my life he's become the last couple of years. Especially lately. He's so happy. They hardly see Ben. Rachel is about to whisk Emma away to Paris." She shrugged helplessly. "And Ross is kind of oblivious, so caught up in his own relationship drama with Rachel that I think he misses how it affects Mom and Dad's relationship with their grandchildren."

"I guess I've been guilty myself of being a bit wrapped up in our own stuff. I knew they were excited, but I hadn't thought about it that way." He eyed her closely, noting that she appeared to be on the verge of tears. He reached out and pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head. "Oh honey, are you okay? Why didn't you talk to me? How long have you been carrying around your parent's stuff?"

Monica pulled away reluctantly. "A little while. Dad called me—drunk—after Ross told them Rachel was moving, and I guess he was pretty emotional. It really hit me how much they keep to themselves. I don't know, I suppose it's like I'm seeing them in a new light. He practically begged me to promise we had no plans to move any further than Westchester."

Chandler blew out a long breath as he let all of that sink in. It was a lot, but he knew his wife would be unlikely to let this go. Truthfully, Monica's innate goodness and longing to be a tight-knit family was probably one of the things that had ultimately drawn him to her. Even before he'd known consciously, despite all of his outward fear about commitment and what it really meant to be Bings... deep down he had always craved a family so unlike the one he'd grown up with. For many years his friends had become his makeshift family, but what Monica gave him—happiness, security, love, children—those were the things he felt most grateful for.

He smiled at the feeling of home she brought to his life. "Alright. So... Jack, huh?"

"It's versatile," she added, as if he still needed convincing. "Jack Bing could be President of the United States _or_... a professional athlete." 

"Jack Bing—car salesman," Chandler announced with a proud sweep of his hands. Monica gave him a half-hearted look of admonishment. "Alright. I'm warming to it with every second. And it's a nice story, you know? We can tell him how excited his grandfather was to meet him for the first time."

"Well, since I kind of sprung Jack on you... how about you pick the girls name?"

Chandler looked down at his list. Suddenly the options he'd had seemed all wrong. None of the names he'd written down had the same kind of backstory that the name Jack came with. Like a flash of inspiration, it hit Chandler suddenly.

He glanced up at Monica, who looked expectant. He nodded towards her list. "Before I give you my thoughts... what names for girls did you have?"

Monica fiddled with her pen. "What do you think of Makayla?"

"Makayla Bing," he said, rolling the name off his tongue and around his head. "Not bad," he allowed with a nod. "Okay... what else?"

"Um, Zoe. Laura. Hannah."

Chandler paired the names with Bing in his head, not sure any of them really stuck out to him. He put his laptop to the side and took a deep breath. "Okay, so, I have another suggestion. How about... Erica?"

Monica blinked. "Erica?"

"Yeah. If the baby is a girl, we name her in honor of her birth mother, as an acknowledgement of just how precious a gift she is."

"Erica Bing," Monica said the name out loud, slowly, finding she liked the sound of it. Chandler's reasoning made perfect sense and her heart melted just a little. She imagined a little girl and one day telling her how they'd picked her name, and without even realizing, a smile came over her. "I love it," she admitted.

"And… also... versatile. Erica Bing—lawyer; Erica Bing—famous actress."

Monica groaned. "I'm not sure I want our child following in their uncle Joey's footsteps."

"Okay, Erica Bing—host of America's Greatest Cook-Off!"

Monica laughed, appreciating him humoring her. "Alright. If it's a girl, we'll go with Erica."

"So, that's it then," he clapped his hands together and rubbed them lightly, "we've agreed? Jack if it's a boy and Erica if it's a girl."

"With one caveat," Monica held up a finger. "Let's wait until the baby is here to make sure they look like a Jack or an Erica." 

"Good idea."

Monica leaned forward to give Chandler a kiss. "You're an amazing husband and you're going to be an incredible father."

"You're already an amazing mother."

Monica smiled sweetly. "Let's keep this just between us for now. It'll be a nice surprise we can share once the baby is here."

"If it's a boy and we name him Jack, your Dad's going to cry, isn't he?"

"Definitely," she nodded.

"Well, I suppose somebody should," Chandler relented with a defeated sigh, given his own inability to cry. He wondered if having a baby would change that.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr: livingarrows (previously seersha1)


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